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When I opened my eyes I felt like I had been asleep for a hundred years. I grabbed my phone and silenced my alarm. I lay back with a strange feeling I had just had some kind of wild dream. I heard a groan to my left and looked in that direction. On the bed next to my husband groaned, “Ugh, I don’t want to go to work. I just want to sleep.” Our dog Remy jumped up onto his chest impatiently reminding him that it was time for breakfast.
“You better get up and feed them,” I said smiling. “He’s a vicious animal if he’s not fed he may eat us.”
Ron chuckled, “He’s 7 pounds how much damage could he really do?”
I laughed, “Go feed them and I’ll tell you about the crazy dream I had last night.

“B 1, A 5, Q 2. That’s it, that has to be the code,” I said pointing. 

I stood next to me. “How do you know, That’s so random, why would it just be written on the dividers.”

“I don’t know, but none of this makes sense. I just know that’s what it is.”

I pulled the lock from my pocket preparing to put in the combination. Ron put his hands over mine.

“Wait’” he said pulling me to face him. “Are you sure you want to do this. He looked down at his feet and dropped his voice. “You could…” He trailed off.

“I could what?” I said looking at the top of his head.

He picked his head up and looked longingly into my eyes. “You could stay if you wanted.”

I smiled and put my hand on his face. “Oh, honey. This isn’t goodbye. We weren’t meant to meet like this. It’s not the right time. There so much you don’t know about yourself yet and if I stay you’ll never discover them. I have to get things back the way they were. I think that’s the only way we’ll truly live happily.” 

He nodded sadly. Almost if he knew that that was what I would say. I let my hand drop and turned back towards the barricades. I took a deep breath and began slowly turning the dials to match the code one by one until they read B 1, A 5, Q. Before turning the last dial I turned and gave Ron a smile. He looked so nervous and sad but I knew what I was doing was right. I closed my eyes and felt the dial snap into place. 

I didn’t feel anything change. Even with my eyes closed, I could still hear the sound of water and the whir of city sounds. I don’t understand, I thought to myself. Did it not work. I opened my eyes to find myself standing on a concrete bridge bathed in the yellow light of street lamps. I turned to see Ron standing only a foot away looking at me.

“I don’t understand, wh- why didn’t it work?” As I said it I could feel myself sinking to my knees. Hot tears stung my cheeks as they rolled down. “It didn’t work,” I said in no more than a whisper. 

Ron rushed over to me getting down on his knees and pulling me into an embrace. “It’s ok, it’s ok. Please don’t cry.”

I pushed my face into his chest trying to steady myself. I could feel myself shaking violently. I was so sure it would work. Why didn’t it work?

Ron leaned back grabbing my chin in his hand. He pulled my face up to his. He was silhouetted by the soft glow of street lights and the edges were blurred through my tears. His voice was the only thing that reached me clearly.

“Don’t cry, we’ll figure this out. I’d do anything for you. I- I love you.”

He leaned forward and kissed me. I kissed back trying to soak in every part of this moment. The warmth of his lips, his hand on my chin, the chill of the wind drying the tears streaking down my face.

By the time Ron got back, I was beginning to doze off. I woke up to him getting into the passenger seat. It took me a second to shake my confusion but as soon as I did I was filled with overwhelming anxiety.
“Let’s go,” he said cooly and confidently.
All sleepiness had left me as I started the engine. We crept up through the dark basement. The engine felt way too loud in the dead silence. When we got to the top one of the guards pulled the door open and we left. Without A/C it was almost painful to drive so I rolled down my window. The air felt cool on my face and helped to calm my nerves a bit. The streets were practically empty except for the occasional stray dog. Ron directed me and we got there with no issue in about 30 minutes.
I parked the car and we both got out. I forgot how romantic this place was at night. There was a small walkway close to the water. Along the walkway, you could see couples walking hand in hand or kissing in secret. We start walking around trying not to draw too much attention.
“In the future, that bridge they’re building will be very beautiful,” I said pointing to the construction.
He nodded, “Yeah, it’s being constructed by the military.”
I nodded knowingly as we walked to the edge of the water. As I turned to look out across the water I felt my fingertips brush against his. I felt my face flush a bit.
Just 10 meters away there were some rustling trees. “What’s that?” I asked pointing.
He quickly pushed my hand down whispering into my ear. “Shhh, don’t point its probably a couple.”
“Oh,” I said giggling.
We decided we better keep walking and give them some privacy.
“Have you seen anything useful?” he asked as we walked.
“No,” I said. “Well, I don’t think so anyway. It’s hard to tell, I don’t really know what I’m looking for.” It was true. I had no idea what we were looking for and this whole trip probably had no point. I just felt so hopeless and this was all I could think of.
“What do you think we should do?” he asked stopping to look at me.
“I think we should go take a closer look at the bridge maybe.” At this point, I was just making things up. I had no idea what we should do but I didn’t want to have driven all the way out here for no reason.
We made our way over to the bridge. As we got closer we were met with a fence. “Can you see anything?” Ron asked.
“No we need to get closer,” I said. I then started climbing the fence.
“What are you doing, we’re no aloud there. That’s why there’s a fence.”
“If you are too afraid then stay here,” I called down swinging my leg over the fence. I thought he probably would but when I looked down I saw that he was already halfway up. I climbed part of the way down before dropping to the ground. I thought about going on ahead but I decided I should probably wait for him.
If we got caught I decided I would just pretend that I didn’t understand and tell Ron to tell them it was all my fault and that he tried to stop me.
Ron carefully climbed to the ground beside me and we began walking the rest of the way to the bridge. We stood for a moment at the edge of the bridge and then without thinking a just stepped forward. Almost without my consent, my feet were moving, one in front of the other to the edge of the bridge. I could vaguely hear Ron calling out to me but I didn’t seem to care. Everything felt distorted like I was underwater. Before I knew it I was standing at the very edge. My toes are hanging off the edge. Below them, the dark water churned against the posts of the bridge as if rejecting its new inhabitant.
Suddenly I could hear Ron’s voice. I couldn’t understand what he was saying but I could tell it was full of fear. I felt gentle hands on my shoulders pulling me backward. I fell into them and let out a sign. Finally, his voice came into focus.
“Mickey, Mickey what are you doing? Hello? Why won’t you answer me?”
I turned to him. “I’m sorry,” I said but I couldn’t look at him. I looked past him while he continued to ask me questions. Just past him were three concrete barricades meant to stop traffic. I must have walked past them without even realizing. I looked closer trying to focus on what I was seeing. There was something written. I took a step around Ron who was still talking rapidly. I put up my hand motioning for him to stop and then pointed in front of me. He fell silent.
“It’s here,” I said. “That’s the code.”

I wasn’t sure who screamed it or what was happening. I felt a sharp jerk at my sides and I was tumbling backward. In front of me, I saw a red bus rushing past me. It was so close I could see the earrings of the women sitting by the window. I felt the hot dusty air rush past my face forcing me to clothes my eyes. It was probably only a second but it felt like time itself had stopped.
Once the air calmed I did a mental inspection of my body trying to see if I was hurt anywhere. I didn’t feel any pain but there was pressure on my sides. I finally opened my eyes and looked down to see two hands clutching to me desperately. I looked around noticing now that I was sitting in someone’s lap. I twisted around to see you had saved me and found myself face to face with Ron. His eyes were wide and I could feel his breath on my face. He was breathing quickly, almost panting. I opened my mouth trying to thank him, or maybe scream but nothing came out. I closed it and tried again but still, my voice failed me.
He took a deep breath trying to calm himself but it was clear it hadn’t done much. I looked at me and asked, “Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?”
“No. No, I think I’m okay. Thank you. If you weren’t here I would have…” My voice shook so bad it must have been hard to understand but he nodded. He stood slowly before reaching down to his hand to help me to my feet. He looked at me with such a worried expression I think he thought I might break just trying to get up.
Once I had gotten to my feet I had assumed he would let go of my hand but he held it firmly. I was glad he did. Even though I wasn’t physically hurt I suddenly felt very weak in my knees. Ron yelled to a passing rickshaw and we climbed on. I was glad to sit for a while to try to compose myself.
I can’t believe I had almost done something so stupid. That could have been it. The end of my life. The first time I was here two children had been hit by a speeding bus and they had died. The event had caused huge protests and even riots.
My thoughts of self-loathing were interrupted by Ron. He looked at me and grabbed me by the shoulders. “I’m never letting you walk around Dhaka by yourself. When you go to the gym I’ll come with you. Anywhere you need to go I’m coming to.” I knew protesting would be no use so I just nodded in agreement.
When I got back to my car, I expected him to go back upstairs and disappear for the rest of the day but instead, he got in the car.
“What are you doing?” I asked surprised.
“I figured I’d sit with you. I have nothing better to do. Besides won’t you get lonely be yourself.”
I grinned. “I suppose I would,” I said happily.
We spent the rest of the day in my car, me reading and him on his phone. Our concentration was only ever interrupted by one of us trying a code we thought would work. These interruptions always seemed to end with us laughing and talking before one of us would inevitably point out the task at hand and we would both get back to work.
After getting nowhere I snapped my book shut and rubbed my forehead. It was late but I was nowhere near tired.
Ron looked up at me. “What are you thinking?” he asked casually.
“I don’t know,” I said wearily. “I feel like we need to go back to where I first saw you.”
“You mean back to Hatirjheel?” he asked.
“Yeah, I don’t know. It’s got to be better than this right? Do you have time tomorrow?”
“Why don’t we go now?” he asked grinning.
“It’s so late though,” I said incredulously. “Besides what will you tell your mom? There’s no way she’d let you go by yourself and so late at night.”
“I’ll tell her I’m going to Imran’s house. He’ll back me up.” He was grinning like a kid about to eat candy his mother just told him not to eat.
I thought for a moment. “But how would we get there?”
“You’ll drive.” He said it with way too much confidence.
“Me?” I said now fully shocked. “Are you crazy? I can’t even walk across the street without almost dying at the hands of a speeding bus. There’s no way I could get us there in one piece. I think today was enough proof of that don’t you think?”
“I seem to recall,” he said making a big show of pretending to think back, “You’ve already driven those roads once before. Isn’t that right?”
“Well, I mean yeah but…”
He cut me off. “It’s settled then. I’ll go upstairs and eat dinner. Once I’m done I’ll tell my mom I’m going over to Imran’s house, I’ll grab you some dinner, and we’ll meet back here. In the meantime, you stay away from the road.”
I tried to protest but before I could he was jogging up the stairs.
I sat back and tried to relax. It was one thing to drive it on a Friday night but during the week the traffic was a whole different beast. Back home I refused to drive in any city that had a population of more than 100,000. Dhaka had more than 9 million people in it. I told myself It would be okay. Afterall it was night time. This city usually all went to bed before 10 o’clock, and on top of that, I’d be able to take the flyover.

When I got there I found him already waiting for me. He was leaning against the car with his hands shoved in his pockets looking down at his feet. I looked up at me as I approached and I felt my heart leap. I tried to mentally shove it back down before saying. “Sorry I’m late, I lost track of time.”
“Don’t worry about it. I just got here, “he said cooly.
I put my clothes in the car and turned to him. “Ready?” I asked.
“Yeah let’s go.”
He walked ahead of me as we climbed the stairs. I couldn’t tell if I was making it up, but there still seemed to be some tension lingering from this morning. I told myself it was just me and kept walking.
Ron called for a rickshaw and we climbed on. As we were headed towards the bookshop he turned to me, “So what are we looking for in this book shop?”
“Well,” I said, “I was thinking that maybe it’s some kind of code. So I wanted to do some research on that.”
“Why didn’t you just ask me to do that. I could have just looked it up on my computer,” he said. There was a subtle hint of irritation in his voice.
Irritated by that I said simply, “Sometimes it’s just easier to try to look by yourself.”
He nodded, probably catching a sharpness to my tone, and we rode the rest of the way in silence. Once we got there I asked him which way the English section was. He pointed to the left and I headed that way. I noticed he was following me while pretending not to. I was browsing around looking for what I needed and he pretended to look at books nearby.
He never was one for books but I loved them. Especially when I was in Bangladesh. Sometimes while we were here I would finish an entire book in less than a day. I always found it hard to be with my own thoughts and the internet here would cut out during power outages so I needed something to occupy my mind during those times. So, I would read. The problem was that even after the internet came back I would keep reading. Sometimes to a point where my husband had to plead with me to put the book down so I would eat.
I finally found a book on WWII codes. I wasn’t very hopeful but I thumbed through it anyways. Ron came over and stood looking over my shoulder. “Find anything?” he whispers.
“No,” I shook my head slightly. “I’m looking for some kind of letter numeric code. It’s the only thing I can think of so far. If I’m right we would be left with a six-letter word.”
“My name has six letters,” he said. “Maybe it’s my name.”
“Possibly,” I said thinking. “My name also has six letters. Either way, we won’t be able to try it if we don’t know which number represents each letter. Besides for all I know I’m completely wrong to begin with. It just seemed worth a try.”
“No you’re right,” he said smiling at me. “That’s a good idea. I hadn’t thought of it.”
I smiled to myself. I kind of thought I should have thought of it sooner. “You should help me look,” I said handing him the book in my hand and grabbing another about the caesar shift.
We sat there for just about an hour before Ron started getting restless. I figured he was probably hungry and seeing as I hadn’t gotten anywhere either I decided maybe it was best we went back. I closed my book and sighed before asking if he had found anything. I realized by now he wasn’t even looking at the book.
“No,” he replied, “but I’m really not much for reading. If you want I could buy a few of these books and you could keep looking later.”
“Sure,” I nodded, “that’s probably a good idea.” I grabbed a few that looked promising off the shelf and we headed over to purchase them.
As we were walking out Ron asked if I was hungry.
“I could eat,” I said.
“There’s a pizza hut just over this way,” he said pointing down the street.
“Sounds good,” I said simply. I wasn’t a big fan of the cheese here in Bangladesh but I guess I’ve been spoiled growing up. I grew up in Wisconsin where I could get hundreds of different kinds of cheese but here I could find only two. Mozzarella and paneer.
I had never actually been in a pizza hut while here. We usually just ordered delivery. It was busy but I didn’t mind too much. He ordered our food and we sat towards the back of the restaurant. We chatted while we ate. It was mostly him asking me about myself and my family. I was enjoying myself fully. In the future, we would talk for hours. Even after two years of marriage we would sit and talk about anything and everything. If I closed my eyes I could almost pretend I wasn’t in Bangladesh. It felt good to feel even somewhat normal.
We finished our food sooner then I would have liked. It would have been nice just to keep sitting here enjoying each other’s company. But they were busy so we had to leave.
Once we were outside we looked for a rickshaw. “There’s on across the street,” I said. Without even thinking I took a few steps forward.
“Look out!”

When I got back to my car I was pleasantly surprised to find even more than I had hoped for. There was a neatly folded sheet laying on top of a pillow. Beside it was a platter filled with rice, vegetables, paneer, and roti. By now it had gone a bit cold but it was still delicious and I was starving. I finished my dinner and immediately pulled the fresh sheet over me and went to bed. I think I may have been asleep before my head even hit the pillow.
I woke up early the next morning. I sat up, folded the blanket and put everything neatly in the back. I knew it must be very early. The streets were quiet and there had been no morning prayer yet. I decided I was going to take advantage of this and go take a peaceful walk. It was still dark. I checked my phone to see it was almost 3:30. Even though it was very early I knew the morning prayers would start not too long from now. I walked the empty streets, never getting more than, what would have been considered 2 city blocks, back home. I knew if I got lost it would be a terrifying journey to find my way home. This city went on forever and it wouldn’t take much to end up in a bad area. Once the morning prayer started I decided to make my way back home before drawing too much attention.
I knew it would still be a few hours until breakfast so I decided to start my car, plug my phone, and rest for a time. Once my phone was charged I turned the car off to conserve what fuel I had. After a while, Ron came down with enough breakfast for both of us and we ate together. We both sat in the back seat with a platter of food between us. We were having roti with a few different curries and for dessert, we had kheer which I guessed must have been leftover from the night before. As I finished my kheer Ron looked to me and said, “You have some kheer on your lip.”
I went to brush it away but before I could he grabbed my wrist with one hand. At the same time, he cautiously placed his other hand on my cheek and slowly wiped it away with his thumb. I felt my heart racing in my chest and I could almost swear I could hear his. He left his hand like that for a second longer than any aunty would think appropriate. He lifted my chin ever so slightly and I saw his eyes looking over my face. Almost as if he were actually seeing me for the first time. His hand felt warm and inviting on my cheek. I wanted to stay like this forever. I wanted to close my eyes and fall into his embrace. Before I could move I felt his fingertips brush against my lips as he pulled his hand away.
He looked down embarrassed and cleared his throat. “So, uh, have you gotten anywhere figuring out the lock.”
Now it was my turn to look down in embarrassment. I had been so preoccupied yesterday that I hadn’t even given it a proper amount of thought. “No,” I finally said. “To be honest I don’t even know where to start. What kind of code you possibly have a pattern of a letter, number, letter, number, letter, number.”
He shook his head and straightened up, “I have no idea. I tried doing some research on my computer but nothing came up.”
I snorted with laughter, “What were you typing in the search, 6 digit code for when future wife travels back in time?”
He grinned, “I don’t know, I figured I had to at least try.”
“Is there a bookstore nearby?” I asked.
“Yeah, just a short walk away, I think they even have a section for English books. Why do you ask?” he replied giving me a puzzled look.
“I just had a thought I’d like to look into, do you think we could go?”
“Yeah sure, but it will have to wait until after my morning lessons. Why don’t you go to the gym in the meantime and I’ll meet you back here for lunch,” he said collecting the dishes.
“That sounds like a great plan,” I said.
As he headed back up the stairs for his lessons. I collected what I needed and headed off to the gym. I barely noticed anything as I walked. All I could think about was Ron’s hand on my face, and how he looked at me. I felt like I was melting from the inside. The look he gave me was one of wanting something bad and worse knowing you could have it but also knowing that you shouldn’t. I felt like my whole soul longed for him.
As I got to the gym I tried to shake that moment from my head but it was no use. I thought about it while I worked out. Replaying the moment his thumb touched my lip over and over again. Thinking about the warmth from his hand. I barely even noticed my workout. I just ran on autopilot until I was too tired to continue. I went to the showers and did all I needed to do. This time when I went to my locker I took out my now dry clean clothes and folded them neatly before putting them in my bed. I hung the clothes I just washed and locked up before heading back to my car.

As I cleaned I thought about everything. I thought about Ron and the life we had been living, I thought about the padlock and what it could mean. Every once and a while my mind would try to sneak my horrible fears to the front but I continued to push them back. Even with them at the back of my mind, I couldn’t shake them completely though. 

I finished my cleaning by neatly folding and placing my new clothes behind the seats and then took one of the old shirts I had found over to the spigot. As I wet it in the water I could feel the other drivers staring at me with intense curiosity. I figured it was only a matter of time before they would realize what was happening. That thought scared me but there wasn’t much I could do. And besides, I had more pressing matters. 

I walked back to my car and began scrubbing every interior surface I could get to. By the time I was done I was exhausted. Between the heat and the stress, I needed a nap. I got inside and fashioned the emergency blanket I always kept into a curtain. The last thing I wanted was to wake up surrounded by nosy drivers.

I fell asleep listening to the sound of rickshaw bells and rumbling tires. My sleep was uneasy due to the heat. I wished now more than ever that the air conditioning worked in my car. It didn’t take more than a few hours to give up on the idea of sleeping. I sat up and checked the time. It was currently at 6 o’clock. Even though I’d be more than early I decided I’d set off for the gym. I grabbed what clothes I needed and stored them in one of the cloth bags the shop keeper had given us. I so admired the bags here, nothing like the plastic bags we got from stores back home. I remember reading that Bangladesh was actually one of the first countries to ban plastic bags back in the early 2000s. I left my makeshift curtain up hoping it would keep away prying eyes while I was gone and set off towards the gym.

I did my best to walk extra slowly, taking in everything around me. I had never walked alone in Bangladesh. When I had come here before with Ron he had always insisted I be accompanied by at least a maid. He was afraid if I was left alone I’d be kidnapped or attacked. While I always thought he was overprotective I was aware that the dangers he feared were oh too real. I did my best to keep my head up and be aware of my surroundings. Anytime I felt like maybe I was being watched a little too closely I ducked into a store to look around. I figured this way I was killing two birds with one stone, as the saying goes. I was keeping myself safe while also getting to know the area and where I could get different things that I needed.

By the time I managed to get to the gym I was actually running a little late. I walked to the front desk unsure of how I would ask for a tour. By the time I got halfway there, it became clear I wouldn’t have to worry about that. The women behind the counter looked up and smiled before saying, “You must be our new American member. I was told you would be needing the full tour.”

I nodded saying, “Yes please that would be wonderful. Sorry that I’m late but you know how the traffic is.” Even though I knew that wasn’t why I was late it seemed better than telling her I walked here. Most people here avoided walking anywhere at all costs.

She shook her head, “No, no it’s no problem at all. Let’s start with the locker room so you can put your things away.” She grabbed a key on a circular key chain and handed it to me before walking towards a door that said women on it. “This will be your locker key,” she said handing it to me. “You can keep whatever you like in it just be sure to leave it empty and unlocked on Saturday mornings for cleaning. If you’ll come this way here are the showers and changing areas. We keep slippers over there,” she said gesturing to a dresser on the far wall. “Once you’re done with them you can put them in the basket over here and they will be cleaned. No need to reuse. We also keep soaps in this cabinet over here and towels here.”

As we went through the rest of the tour I couldn’t believe how much they could fit in such a small area. There were exercise bikes, treadmills, free weights, track, and even a sauna in the locker room. At the end of the tour, she asked if I had any questions to which I said I didn’t and we went our separate ways. I decided I’d go for a run on the track. In the future, I had lost my ability to run freely due to an injury to my Achilles tendon but now I could run all I wanted and that’s exactly what I did. I ran as if I would never run again. I reveled in the feeling of my feet pounding the track. I felt all the stress of the past day and a half pouring out of my with the sweat. Running like this it didn’t take long before I was absolutely exhausted.  

I headed back to the locker room trying to steady my breathing. I was relieved to see I was the only one in there and decided to sit for a bit and catch my breath. Even though the showers and changing areas were all private it felt good to be alone for a bit. Once I had collected myself I hit the shower.

I don’t think anything has ever felt as good as scrubbing away the sweat and dust off my body. I never want to leave, I thought to myself. Once I finally felt I had wasted enough water I got out and dried myself. The towel felt unbelievably soft. I then looked at my pile of dirty clothes. I knew I wasn’t going to have access to a washing machine. In fact, now one I knew had a washing machine in Bangladesh. Usually, I would have just asked the servants to wash them but I knew that wouldn’t be an option this time. I decided I would have to do my best to wash them here in the shower and then hand them to dry in my locker.

I knew washing clothes by hand was hard work but I don’t think I realized just how much time it would take. I was glad I hadn’t decided to lift weights today because this would be an arm work out in itself. I scrubbed until the water ran through clear and then did my best to ring any extra water out. I hung my clothes in the locker and locked up before making the trek home.

By the time I got outside, it was dark and the streets had grown fairly quiet. I enjoyed the atmosphere of people all making their way home to their families as I walked steadily on. My legs felt incredibly tired but in a good way. I was sure I would sleep soundly tonight and was looking forward to whatever dinner Ron had managed to bring to my car.

I tried to shake the dizziness away and stepped out of the car. As I followed him up the stairs he handed me a scarf. “You should wrap your head in this,” he said wearily. “It should help keep the staring at bay. I assume you know how bad the staring is here.”
I wrapped my head as best I could while saying, “Yeah, it’s one of the worst parts of being in Bangladesh.”
He nodded while calling out to the nearest rickshaw. They exchanged a few words in Bangla while we climbed on. Even in all the times, I had been to Bangladesh I had never shopped in very many of the local stores. Ron had always insisted on taking me to the big malls stating that they were safer, but now we weren’t left much choice. The rickshaw pullers would never take us that far and even if they did it would take much too long. We arrived at the nearby market in less than 20 minutes. I had only been here once before but even if I had been here a million times it was probably different every day. The sound of bargaining was so loud it was defining and the colors were all so bright. I could spend hours just standing and watching the people shop.
This would not be the case though. Ron began to rush ahead of me and I instinctively grabbed him by the hand so as not to get lost. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked back at me with a look I recognized to be a mix of embarrassment and shock. I realized that at this point in time this was not yet my husband. This person barely even knew me even if I knew everything about him. I felt my face turning bright red and let go murmuring that I was sorry. I let go of his hand and looked at my feet. He didn’t say anything but gave a small smile and turned to start walking again.
It was a lot harder to keep myself from becoming separated without being able to hold his hand but I managed. Soon we had bought 6 different outfits I would be able to wear. And were heading back towards the exit.
I checked my phone and realized it was about 11 o’clock in the afternoon by the time we got to the exit. We had only been in the market for a few hours but it had felt like days and by now I was tired and hungry. I looked at Ron and asked, “So, what’s next?”
“Well,” he said looking down the street for an empty rickshaw, “I figured we would get some food before going to our next destination.”
I smiled back before saying, “I always did feel like you could read my mind.” A rickshaw pulled up and we clambered in. He took me to a cafe very near to his home. It was close enough that even I could recognize where I was. We walked up the dark narrow stair to the roof. I had been here once before but it had been a different cafe then. I knew that from the living room window in Ron’s home you would be able to see the cafe and that made me a bit nervous even though I was sure no one would be looking. I told Ron what I wanted and he ordered for both of us.
We sat quietly in contemplation while we waited for our food to arrive. Once the food got there I pointed out the window and said, “You know you can see this cafe from your living room window?”
“Yeah, I wondered if you would say anything about that.” He said carefully chewing his food.
“Just more proof that I really do know you I guess,” I said looking down at the table.
“Oh, I don’t need more proof, I believe you. I believed you yesterday. You can’t fake that kind of emotion. What I heard in your voice, that was true fear.”
As he said that I felt the tears of relief spring to my eyes once more. “Thank you,” I managed to croak out through my seized throat.
We finished our food in comfortable silence each thinking about how bizarre our situation was. Once we had finished he paid our bill and then led me down the stairs.
“You’re going to need somewhere to shower and clean up. I wanted to get you a hotel but couldn’t think of a way to get that much money so I told my ma I wanted a gym membership. It won’t give you a place to sleep and the hours for women are limited but it’s the best I could do.” He started walking down the street away from his house. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more, but at least it’s within walking distance of our building so you won’t have to take a rickshaw to get here. We’ll go make your membership now and I’ll show you how to get there before we go home.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful,” I said nearly jumping with joy. I wanted nothing more than to be able to take a hot shower before changing into fresh clothes.
The gym was in the basement of one of the large apartment complexes. I stood nearby while Ron filled out all my information and paid for my membership. He asked if there was anyone who spoke English who could give me a short tour. The man shook his head and said, this time in English, that none of the female employees would be here until later when women were permitted but that he would leave a note on the desk that I would be coming later on. Ron told him I would be here by 7 o’clock for my tour.
After that, we started the short walk home. Ron explained that I would be on my own for the afternoon because his madam was coming. I knew this to mean that his tutor was coming. He handed me some money telling me to use it for emergencies and he would bring down dinner later. Once we got back to the car he said, “Don’t forget to be at the gym by 7 o’clock for your tour. Bring a change of clothes with you, they should have everything else you need. It’s a nice gym.”
I nodded and took note that it took us about 25 minutes to walk home. “I think I will take the time to work out while I’m there as well if you don’t mind.”
He bobbed his head back in forth that it was fine and then turned to go while calling back, “Leave a door unlocked so I can leave your dinner on the seat.”
“Ok, thank you,” I called as he disappeared around the corner. I looked at my phone to see it was 1 o’clock. This meant I was going to need to find something to do for the next 5 and a half hours. I thought about going for a walk but the streets were much too busy at this time of day even if it is a Saturday. I looked around the cramped space of the back seat of my car, filled with trash, papers, and now new clothes and decided if I was going to be staying here for the foreseeable future it would need to be more livable.

By this time the sun had begun to sink low in the sky. Rakib stood and tugged on Imran’s sleeve, “Chole jao,” he said. He hadn’t said a word this whole time and now all he has to say is Let’s go. I could tell he still didn’t believe me in the slightest but I didn’t know any way to convince him. 

Imran stood and in Bengali told Ron that they needed to get home but that he would call him later. Ron and I sat for a moment longer in silence before he finally stood. 

“I have to go home, my mom will worry,” he said slowly. “Where will you stay?”

“All I have is that car,” I said pointing to my beat-up yellow hatchback. “I guess I’ll sleep there.”

“It’s dangerous out here in the street. Bring your car to my home. My papa owns 4 parking sport but one of the cars is in the mechanic. You can park there.”

I was relieved I wouldn’t have to sleep out here. Beggars often flock white people here thinking that they’re rich. “Thank you,” I said. “Could you ride with me, I can’t remember how to get to Rankin street from here and my phone doesn’t work.” He nodded and we walked over to my car. I never thought I could drive in Bangladesh. The traffic is usually completely insane.

“You’re lucky its Friday. Most people can’t drive here in Bangladesh,” Ron said.

I nodded, “Yeah it gets even worse in the future.”

We made it back to my in-laws’ house, or what I knew to be my in-laws anyway, mostly unscathed. Security stopped us, surprised to see an American car. It took a lot of creative explaining on Ron’s part before they let us through. I parked on the lower level and Ron got out. “Will you come down tomorrow?” I asked.

“Yes, I’ll bring breakfast,” he said before closing the door and disappearing up the stairs. 

It was quiet and dark and my head hurt. I wished it would all go away, wished it were all a bad dream. I crawled into the back seat and tried my best to get comfortable. I finally went to sleep with the hope I would wake up in my bed next to my husband and this would all be a funny dream I could tell him about.

I woke to a sharp knock on my window. I bolted up confused and startled. I looked around realizing with dread that I was still in my car in a dark parking garage. There was another knock and I turned to see Ron standing at my window with a plate of food and a water bottle. I unlocked the door to let him in. He slid in next to me handing me the plate and water bottle. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I now and ate without saying a word. 

He spotted the padlock sitting on the seat beside me and picked it up. “Have you figured out what this could be yet?” he asked watching me eat.

I shook my head and swallowed, “No, I was kind of hoping you would know. You’re always better at these kinds of things.”

“I wish I did, usually in the video games the clues are just laying around,” he said staring at the lock intently. “We don’t even know what unlocking this lock would do.”

“I think it’s pretty clear we were meant to find out though. I mean it’s every fantasy game 101 right. Wake up in a strange unknown situation and solve puzzles to get to the end right?” I watched him think it over for a bit.

“The problem is,” he said slowly picking his words, “we don’t know what the end is in this case. This is real life, there’s no game over.”

“I suppose you’re right,” I said thinking about how much easier it was for him to speak English in the future. I guess I should have expected that but by the time I had met him he had already been living in the U.S for over a year. “So what do we do now?”

“For now I say we find a way to get you the things you need, starting with some clothes better suited for this weather. I asked my mom for some money so we can go get you some things. Well have to take a rickshaw though, the drivers would tell my parents that I was with a white girl and they wouldn’t approve.” 

As he said this I realized I must look like a real mess. I pulled out my phone opening the front camera to take a look at myself. I was stunned, I looked nothing like what I had remembered. I was thin and my hair was cut into a fringe that fell across my face. I looked much younger than I had been. I hadn’t even thought of it but I realized now my age must have changed when I went back in time. That meant if the year is 2013 that made me 14 years old. I felt like the world was spinning but there was no time to be dramatic. Ron was already stepping out of the car.

“Are you coming?” He called before closing the door.

A Public Announcement

Dear public, 
This is an announcement 

I'm here to announce that our children are suffering,
I'm here to tell you that our students are afraid to go to class, 
They are risking their health to avoid ridicule, and why you might asked, 
Because they were born just a little bit different,

See they were born transgender,
And it's of no fault of their own, 
But unfortunately they will suffer anyways,
They will fear for their lives while walking down the street, 
They will sweat at the thought of introducing themselves to new teachers, 
And their health will suffer because they will avoid their schools gendered bathrooms every day for At least eight hours,

To someone on the outside this may not seem like a big deal,
But it has great effects

See according to the book Transgender people, by Tamara Thompson 
41% of transgender individuals have attempted to commit suicide,
That's almost half,
To put that in perspective only 1.6% of the general population attempts suicide,

Trans youth do not feel safe in schools,
Maybe it's because 78% of us, grades k through 12, have reported harassment,
Or because 35% of that harassment is physical and 12% is sexeal,
There’s your logic or logos for the day, but if that's not enough
Let's try some emotion, some pathos

So I employ you,
Please tell me how we are supposed to learn when we're so distracted by the glares and discrimination around us we can barely catch our breath,
Tell me how am I meant to receive good grades when the my syllabus looks more like a death certificate ensuring my unwelcome in this binary setting of black and white,
Good and bad,
Boy and girl,

Here I quote a wise women by the name of Denise Fromam,
As she said in her poem, “Dear Straight People”

“Dear Straight Bullies,
You’re right. We don’t have the same values.
You kill everything that’s different, I preserve it.

Tell me, what happened to
Jorge Mercado?
Sakia Gunn?
Lawrence King?

What happened to the souls alienated
in between too many high school walls,
who planned the angels of their deaths in math class,
who imagined their funerals as ticker-tape parades,
who thought the afterlife was more like an after party.

Did you notice that hate
is alive and well in too many lunchrooms,
taught in the silence of too many teachers,
passed down like second hand clothing
from too many parents?”

End quote

It's been written time and time again, 
The levels of hatred and non acceptance in schools is just too damn high, 
and the only way to combat this issue is to lead by example,
We need teachers and staff to speak up,
We you to show your support for human rights,
We need you to do what you do best,
To teach us how to be functioning citizens,
To show us how to be productive adults, 
And to protect us so we are capable of receiving the best education possible,

I am one of the lucky ones,
My school has gender neutral bathrooms,
My teachers and family do support me,
I am so lucky in fact that I had my first shot of testosterone this past monday on april 17th 2017,
And for these things I am forever grateful,
But there is still much work to be done,

And therefore I  repeat

Dear public,
This is an announcement